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Is It the Infant Attachment or the Choice in Mates?

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In a couple of my last articles I began describing some of the attachments that are formed as infants. I also discussed how these attachments carry over into our adult relationships. While I was reading through the various signs and characteristics of each type of attachment, I began thinking that perhaps not all of these characteristics are caused from the infant formed attachment. Perhaps some of them come from the choice in mates. For example, I can see how a person who formed a secure attachment as an infant may form an anxious attachment as a romantic partner if a … Continue reading →

Attachments and Honesty

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So, yesterday we began looking into how the attachments that we form as infants can carry over into the attachments that we form with our romantic partners. I gave some descriptions and details about how each type of infant attachment would react as a romantic attachment. The attachment that one forms also influences the honesty that one has with their mate. From recognizing the type of attachment that your mate has, one can gain a better idea of how the mate may react in terms of deceit and deception. People who formed secure attachments as infants and have secure attachments … Continue reading →

More about Attachments

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My last article began discussing the various attachments that infants encounter with their caregiver. As discussed in the article, those attachments often carry over and influence the attachments that we have with our romantic partners as adults. Infants that had secure attachments with caregivers often grow up to be adults with secure attachments to mates. When a secure attachment is made to a romantic partner, there is no nervousness or anxiety about the relationship. These partners tend to have stronger bonds and a longer lasting relationship. There is more trust and openness in these relationships. Partners tend to have a … Continue reading →

Infant Attachments Influence Romantic Attachments

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As many of you know, I have been an avid reader of Beth’s story in Mental Health about Sue who refused to have sex with her husband until she wanted to get pregnant. It turned out that Sue had been sexually abused as a child and was greatly affected by the experience. Our history and background do indeed have a great deal of influence over how we respond to our mate and others around us. Knowing your partner’s childhood history may turn on a few lights for you about why he or she acts the way that he or she … Continue reading →

When Adoptions Don’t Work Out

No one wants to talk about it—not adoptive parents who know how wonderful adoption can be, not prospective parents who desperately want to believe that love will conquer all, not professionals whose reputations and self-image are based on facilitating the happily-ever-after family. Adoptions that don’t work out are a small percentage of adoptions . However, they can represent ten to twenty percent of older-child adoptions (different agencies define “older child” differently when keeping statistics. I believe it generally refers to children over age seven.) Adoptions of older children are ten to twenty percent more likely to eventually disrupt than adoptions … Continue reading →

Stockholm Syndrome and Attachment Disorders: My Thoughts

It might seem odd that I find a connection between Stockholm Syndrome and Attachment Disorder but, for some strange reason I do. In our walk as adoptive parents I have found many who doubt the true depth of an attachment disorder, and tell us they simply don’t understand what the problem might be with a child who can’t accept and love parents after living a difficult life. Yet, these same doubters are willing and able to accept the fact that a well adjusted person could be kidnapped and abused into bonding with their captors? Stockholm Syndrome is a term used … Continue reading →

The One Reason to Never-Ever Have Even 1 Drink While Pregnant!

…She seems to have a complex pattern of behavior and cognitive abnormalities. These issues become more and more apparent as she grows up. Her behavior is inconsistent with her developmental level. For the past three and a half years, it has been blamed on her background and environment. She was, after all, an abused child who became my adopted daughter at the age of five-years-old. Her background and history was the original explanation for these behaviors and cognitive abnormalities. Her diagnosis reads like a cup of Alphabet soup! It has been one acronym upon another, stacked up like a brick … Continue reading →

Ten Ways to Support To A RAD Mom.

Reactive Attachment Disorder, RAD is one of those things other people don’t really notice. The reactive part is usually seen and felt the most by the primary caregiver–or the mom in most cases. What a RAD Mom needs the most is support from others in ways you may have never thought of. 1. A RAD Mom needs help teaching her child with Reactive Attachment Disorder that mom’s are in charge of taking good care of their children. And that their mom is a good mom who takes care of her children. 2. A RAD Mom needs friends who don’t hug … Continue reading →

The Day My RAD Daughter Got Her Way.

The sad part about watching a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder live life is knowing that things are not as bad as the child seems to respond. I’m sure that all children are different and children with RAD are not all the same, but some of these behaviors are considered classic. It seems that a child with RAD is simply unable to just be happy and trust that life will be fine. It’s as if there is always some quest for something, anything and especially whatever has been controlled or limited. Tell my daughter that in our house we don’t … Continue reading →

Superficially Engaging

It’s been interesting talking with my neighbor about Reactive Attachment Disorder, maybe because during the past four-years I have had to learn everything as I went along. Most of my support system lost track of where we were at with whatever we were trying to do to help our daughter. It’s been nice to have someone new to share with–now that we are used to this reality and not in a state of panic or despair. Reactive attachment disorder is more then the set of Symptoms and Diagnostic Criteria RAD is a condition in which a child has difficulty forming … Continue reading →